April 12, 2012
Dear Hockey Fan Friends: The Rules

Playoffs are upon us, my Vancouver friends.

This means you will probably be tweeting a lot during hockey games. This is fine, but sometimes it gets to be a bit much as I do not care for hockey. In an effort to entertain myself, I will be tweeting you a single fact about basketball (my sport of choice) for every hockey tweet I see.

These are the rules to keep everything on the up and up (and please feel free to hold me to these):

1. I will not be hunting down hockey tweets from you to respond to and in the event that you have tweeted multiple hockey related tweets during a period of time in which I have not checked my feed, I will only send one response.

2. The tweets must reference hockey, a team, or something related for me to reply. I won’t be wasting delicious basketball knowledge on “FUCK YEAAHHHS” and “Woooos”

3. Retweets of hockey related things do count, but will get you a retweet of a basketball related tweet.

4. You are welcome to send me a single hockey fact for any basketball related tweets I produce. These tweets will not prompt a response (though they may make me chuckle and feel informed).

5. If you tweet about basketball, I am honor-bound to send YOU a single hockey fact. However, your tweet must meet the following criteria:

  • It must reference an NBA game that is currently being played (as I will likely only be responding to your NHL live-tweeting) to prove that you are in fact watching basketball.
  • The tweet must do better than just present facts you can find on the nba.com play-by-plays
  • The tweet must be sent out to all of your followers and not just @me
  • If you include a screenshot of the game you are watching/tweeting about, I will send you a picture of me doing a hockey thing along with the hockey fact.
  • If you live tweet two whole games of NBA basketball (at least 10 tweets per game), with appropriate hashtags, and one piece of photographic proof for each game, I will cheer the Canucks (or your team of choice) on for at least one full series and spend a day wearing a Canucks’ (or your team of choice’s)  jersey (you must provide the jersey).

I don’t want or expect you to tweet less about the Canucks, or hockey. I understand sports fandom and think it is awesome. I am simply aiming to entertain myself (and hopefully you) during a trying time for a non-hockey fan.

Let the games, metaphorically and literally, begin.

August 9, 2011
Recently, Scientists revealed that they now believe that the killing claw of Velociraptor mongoliensis was more likely to inflict stabbing wounds than the slashing wounds described in Jurassic Park (1993).
Fine.
But why do they seem to be insisting that this also makes Velociraptors less terrifying?

Recently, Scientists revealed that they now believe that the killing claw of Velociraptor mongoliensis was more likely to inflict stabbing wounds than the slashing wounds described in Jurassic Park (1993).

Fine.

But why do they seem to be insisting that this also makes Velociraptors less terrifying?